Stars twinkling in the sky and Venky muddling up his mind

I have been busy the past week with finishing off my summer training and hence was not able to come up with any blog entries.

All right smartasses, for all those who think “well there comes the obligatory excuse so as to cover up his lack of creativity in writing more articles”, I just have five words for you --> “Please keep it to yourself”.

The story this time around is my encounter with stardom and a new self realization that, Boy!! I can sure surprise myself.

Last Sunday my relatives here in Chennai had called me for lunch. It was in their house I realized that the next generation of kids are much smarter than I was, when I was their age. For instance, my 4 year old niece speaks fluent English, Tamil, Malayalam (ya that is also a language and if you think pronouncing the word was tough enough you should hear some of tongue twisters the language has in store for those who try to learn it). Well the point is that her English is complete with slangs and the usual lingo busters that even I had trouble understanding some of them. But you should have seen my face when she came up and stumped me with “Uncle, Are you drinking beer?”. I think my response went something like “ huhhh ehhhh ”.

This usually happens when 2 or more thoughts inter cross in your brain, like for instance Thought No: 1. “Wow kids know what beer is, at the age of four” inter crosses with Though No: 2 “It is funny being called Uncle” inter crosses with Thought No: 3. “Ohh shit next time my niece talks to my parents she is going to blurt out how their saintly son was drinking beer at 11:00 in the morning” (don’t give that I am shocked everyone in US drinks beer look. Yahan hamare Desh mein Beeris still equal to Daaru).

Finally I managed a “Shruti, go check what your mom is doing” and a “You better shut the hell up” to my cousin who by this point of time, amused by the look on my face, was spilling bucket loads of tears because of his incessant laughing.

But all in all I enjoyed the whole day watching an old Bond movie on my cousin’s home theatre system, gorged on a scrumptious home cooked lunch and even managed to catch a siesta. Now after the evening tea I was invited to accompany my cousin to the Madras Race Club which he frequents for his daily badminton game. On hindsight I should have understood the twinkle in my cousin’s eye when I said yes. But being the naïve sweet innocent boy I am, I tagged along thinking that I would work off the heavy lunch I had.

Only after I reached there did I realize that my cousin probably just meant “accompany” because all the regular players were there and my cousin joined them leaving me alone to while away time. With nothing better to day I was watching my cousin play a pathetic game of baddie when in the distance I saw two gorgeous females making their way towards the badminton courts.

Wait wait I had seen them somewhere before and then it dawned ohh god these were two actresses from the Tamil Film Industry. One of them was this hot hot chick who according to last reports, had been gaining kilos by the day and had stayed away from the screens for some time only to come back with this svelte figure any female would die for (Contrary to reports , now I know how she got back into shape). The other was this cute looking actresses who at the peak of her career did what any sensible career oriented women would do, got married and retired from the industry. But she was looking cute as ever and both of them were wearing this body hugging tees and three quarter stretch pants to match. And wonder of wonders they were coming to the court adjacent to where my cousin was playing and since their appearance did not cause any stir amongst other people who were playing, I guess that their coming here was a daily routine too and now I understood the secret behind my cousin’s twinkling eyes.

Now you know how a normal avid fan would react when they see their fav movie stars.
a) Go say hi
b) Tell them that you are a huge fan
c) Get their autograph
d) Flash out your cell phone with a camera and take a picture with them
e) If they still entertain you, indulge in some chit chat
f) Come back with a huge grin on your face

This is the part where I surprised myself. My thought process completely took me by surprise

Thought No 1: Blank
Thought No 2: Blank
Thought No 3: Ok dumb ass you have been blank for some time now
Thought No 4: Ohh shit of all the days they had to see me like this

Zoom out a couple of hours
My cousin invited me --> I said Yes --> cousin says I cannot go with the t shirt I am wearing now since entry is allowed only with collared Tees --> He offers me one of his collared T shirts --> I accept

Zoom in to the present
I am 6’2 tall --> my cousin is 5'8 tall --> I am looking like an idiot in this really short t-shirt

Thought No 5: Am I sweating too much?
Thought No 6: I think my fav movie stars are looking at me now
Thought No 7: Ohh god y do I have this blank look on my face

Unnoticed by me, my cousin had lost his nth game of badminton and had decided to call it a day. So finally he came over and asked me aloud whether I wanted to play a game. Then I surprised myself again

Thought No 1: Shit, I play even worse than my cousin
Thought No 2: Ok stay calm, just come up with an excuse
Thought No 3: Say something
Thought No 4: You haven’t spoken for a minute now
Thought No 4: Ok say something, it just has to be words
Thought No 5: Ok I give up

(For all those FRIENDS fans I raise my hand and admit that some of the lines have been taken straight out of Ross’s mouth in the episode where he impulsively kisses his Cousin. But hey I am a FRIENDS fan and having watched all seasons I am entitled to a few lines.)

So finally my cousin just understood my plight and dragged me along home and the last thing I remember was this sympathetic look on my fav movie stars’ face which according to me meant “poor guy, he must be mentally retarded!!!"

So this Sunday when my cousin invited me again I did a sensible thing this time around.

I DECLINED....

PS: Please forgive my pathetic attempt at humor in this post. I swear I will come personally to you all and tickle you and make you laugh to make up for this article :).